Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Some of my Fears

I am not really sure how and why I pick certain topics to fear. Like before I had lung surgery I worried about my heart, kidneys and testicular cancer etc etc. The lung took me by surprise because I never worried about that nor thought I would have lung surgery.

I do worry about lung cancer and others disease from smoking but not as much as other things like tetanus and vaccine damage, fainting, or mercury. I am aware that I am more likely to have a car crash, slip in the shower or fall down a flight of stairs or burn in a house fire than die from the vaccine.

The risk of seizure is about the same for paxil as it is for some antibiotics but I am scared less of the antibiotics which like vaccines can cause bad allergic reactions. I think I worry less about seizures and antibiotics because I take them for 7 to 10 days and there is a limited time I have to get through with them. After it is over. With paxil there is no end time I keep taking it everyday for months or years on end. So it becomes more of a danger in my mind.

I do worry about all the disease cigarettes cause but the addiction is so powerful it can override my fears which says a lot about the power of nicotine. I also assume that after I quit smoking I will always worry or assume I will still be killed by cigarettes because I use to be a smoker and the damage is done. I still want to quit though.

The funny thing is I am more likely to die on the way to get my vaccine. That seems not to be an issue in my head. The focal point is all based on the one moment in time. Why I do that I am unsure.

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