Clinical Depression and Pale Stools

I have had what I deem real depression two times in my life. First at 18 and last at 29 yrs old which is why I moved back from FL. I would walk around crying I couldn't stop, I couldn't eat or sleep well. I even called a suicide hotline when Keith was working at the gas station near our apartment in FL. Not because I was going to kill myself I just needed to hear a voice.

I would look at Keith sleeping and lay on the floor next to the bed and cry. That depression was all triggered over anxiety of having to see a dentist because my tooth broke. Something so simple put me over the edge and turned my life upside down and his life as well. I get scared when I get worked up because I am scared of the depression returning.

Ok so gross topic.

I had the ultra sound and liver function tests in dec. 2007 because I felt sick and my stool color had gone from normal brown to a brownish yellowish tanish depending on the day. But never brown like normal. I thought maybe I had hep B or hep A. How I got it I wasn't sure but it was possible.

The nurse ordered the ultrasound and I was so scared that I wanted blood work done (I never want blood work). But the ultrasound which looked at my liver, gallbladder and pancreas came back normal. And the liver function test came back normal as well. However they never checked for hepatitis and I later read that the liver enzymes may be normal esp. if it is a new infection and a mild case. Other reasons for the color are gallbladder duct blockage, cancer, liver issues, malabsorption problems blah blah.

Around the same time this all started I was taking xanax and asked if that can cause it and she said no. When it was at its worst pale color was 3 weeks off xanax also my sickest. I returned to xanax from nerves and the color darkened some but not much. The color has been a little lighter since I stopped xanax about 5 days ago.

Because I am to scared right now to do a colon scope or any more blood work I just haven't complained about it. I want to see what happens after I am off xanax for a few months. Also I have no health insurance so some of these tests I just can't afford anyway right now.

I read that some people who get hepatitis B. can never get rid of it..but 90% of people clear the virus. And most people in my age range can. I just hope I don't have chronic hep b and not know it. If I have it at all... which I would know if she did that blood test.

I try to not get upset about it by eating dark foods but its just the color of the food. Grape juice is purplish, beets made it brown red, carrots orange and spinach a deep green. Drinking a lot of milk made it even lighter. So basically I feel broken and wish my damn body would do what its suppose to do.

**UPDATE after staying off xanax for awhile I returned to normal. When I took xanax again it returned to a light pale color. Again when I stopped it returned to normal so it was the xanax and I went through that hell for no reason.