Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Riding The Paxil Wave

I started paxil in Nov. 2000. I had had my lung surgery in Aug. 2000. I took 10mg and felt sick when I took it but kept taking it anyway. My mom wanted me to stop if I felt so sick but I kept saying it takes weeks to adjust to it. I didn't drink alcohol on it at first. By mid Dec. I was a different person. Nothing bothered me. The world seemed sort of magical. I drove towards NYC and went to a gay bar outside the city and started making out with this cute guy (he was drunk), I still wasn't drinking and I had no anxiety at all. I felt the same in the club with the music and lights going as I would if I was drinking. My mood would adjust with the situation. Fear of real dangers started to fade too.

I met this guy who will remain nameless. He stayed with me 3 or 4 days during which time I met his sister who was a stripper. He liked watching her strip and thought she was great so we went to the strip club to see her.

With in 4 days of knowing him a bus pasted by and said great deals to Orlando FL. I said do you want to move? He said where? I said FL. He said ok. So the next night he packed his clothes. I took what I wanted and put it in my car and left for FL.

I called my father from Washington DC to inform him I was moving to FL and to tell mom because I didn't want to hear her crying and would call her when I got there. I first looked for apartments in Tallahassee FL but they all sucked and then went 2 hours west to Panama City FL. where we got an apartment and lived. This was now Jan. 2nd 2001 less than 2 months after I took my first pill.

In NC on the way down the guy I was with asked me if I wanted to date him. I said yes and so by FL we were bfs. I quickly became popular at the gay bars and started drinking alcohol with the paxil in feb. 2001.

I stopped taking paxil in mid May 2001 and broke up with they guy in late May and sent him home on a bus back to NY. I didn't like being in Panama City anymore and had a black drag queen move in with me. We decided to move and Sept 1st 2001 moved to Atlanta GA together. Sept 11th happened and there were no jobs because everyone was scared so I was stuck and began going to the bars and bathhouses started escorting and did a porn video (I had stopped porn before my lung surgery but returned to it) by this point since Feb 2001 I had been drinking a lot and continued to.

Got the job eventually at the hotel in Atlanta above CNN. Stayed a few months at the job, threw the drag queen out..few months later moved back to NY.

I never drank much till I took paxil and continued to drink every day 12 beers on average or more till Nov 2007 when I almost killed myself with it. I tried to stop several times before that but always went back to it. This has been the longest I have gone but I have a phobia of it now since I fainted from it so I think it will last.

Of course between Atlanta and now I moved back to Panama City, FL and that is how I met Keith. Now back here again. :)

This is the short version of course hehe

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