Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Montreal and Tetanus

I wanted to go with Keith to Montreal. I don't think I will be able to go to Montreal this year because my state of mind is so mess up. It is more messed up than normal over the past six month. So much so I wonder sometimes if I am losing my mind.

I am in a fixation on the tetanus shot more so than normal today. I use to walk around the house with socks on now I wear slippers all the time to prevent my feet from getting cut so I don't get tetanus. I hate the thoughts because both equally scare me. I am scared of the vaccine and I am scared of the illness. (my last tetanus shot was when I was 10 years old maybe 7 years old. I am now 32)

I know I am going to get that stupid shot in the fall so why I am so concerned about it right this second is beyond me. I actually view that future date as the day I will die or have a bad reaction/faint/seizure. I guess I am stressed the same way someone would feel stressed if they knew Nov. 23rd of this year they would die. (random date I have no clue when I am getting that shot)

I wish it was the fall already so I could just get the damn shot and be done with it. I just won't do it in the summer for several reasons but mainly I want cold air when I come out of the doctors office.

I am forcing myself to eat healthy again. I am also going to force myself to start going for walks. I figure the more healthy I am should I have a reaction maybe my body would be better equipped to deal with it if my body was in better shape.

1 comment:

Scootz said...

Its been many moons since you posted this but I thought I'd comment anyways. The last time I had a tetanus shot was around 7-8 years old. I remembered how bad my arm hurt afterwards for a few days. I am now 36 and just recently got one again along with the flu shot (still iffy on the whole flu shot idea and its effects) and a B12 shot. This time though nothing as bad as I remembered.

Previously I had taken two blood tests before in the month and was fine with needles. But for some reason shortly after I had gotten all three, I felt like I was going to faint which is kind of strange. I lost all color in my face, started shaking and getting dizzy. I didn't think that would happen considering I was "ok" with it. So I thought. Maybe it was just anxiety I don't know. I had been really nervous about the whole visit but not enough NOT to show up. Being away from doctors and such for 23 years and then having to go see one definitely does cause a lot of anxiety for me. But health concerns kind of trumps the whole thing and I went. I hope this doesn't feed into future visits.