Saturday, May 23, 2009

Dear Claudia

Dear Claudia,

Back in Feb. I wrote this post about you (about half way down)

I remember writing it that day because I was so happy that you agreed to come see me. By that point in time I had been alone in my apartment for months. I was already very sick from coming off the xanax and really needed to talk to you. Just knowing that you were coming to see me was such a relief.

You said that you would see me Feb. 14th and I gave you directions to my apartment and my phone number and you gave me your cell number. You said you would be there in the afternoon.

I remember after you said you would see me I called my mom crying because I was so happy. We had been friends for such a long time. We were so close in high school and many many years after.

I had planned on my last dose of xanax being on Feb 12th, but I did not want to be a complete mess, so Feb 14th I took half a last dose. As sick as I was I took a shower and ironed some clothes. I never iron, but I had not seen you in a few years so I wanted to look decent for you. I even set my alarm to wake me up that morning so I could have time to clean my apartment up some for you.

Around 1pm I had not heard from you, but I assumed you were still teaching that water aerobics class, so I waited.

About 4pm I called your cell phone and left a voice mail for you to give me a call and let me know if you could still make it over to see me.

At 9pm I cried myself to sleep. You never showed up and you never called me back.

Feb 14th is an interesting date, see Keith and my anniversary would have been the 14th, but he left me in Nov., and if you remember many years ago we slept together on the 14th after your mother bought us that bottle of wine and I was living on Hudson Ave., of course Feb. 14th is also the last day I took xanax.

A few days later I saw you were leaving messages for people on facebook. You never even emailed me. You did not even have the decency to lie and makeup some story as to why you didn't come see me or call. You just never said anything.

Claudia, since that day when I reached out to you I have been in the ER three times, and seen three different doctors, my mother found out she had cancer, had surgery and soon with be starting chemo.

What you did hurt me deeply because I really needed a friend and little did I know soon after how much I needed one.

I am writing this because if you ever see this, as hurt as I was and am over what you did....I forgive you.

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