Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sucky Day

Today is not a good day at all. Yesterday was much better. My heart is back around 124 and my whole body aches. I have only been able to eat 2 jars of baby food and a few rice cakes. I just took some tylenol to see if it helps.

I wish someone else could feel this. Days like this I feel like I am going to die. I am so wore out that just moving a few bags of food around on my bedroom floor I get wore out and have to sit down.

Tues. I see a therapist for the hell of it
Wed. heart doc
Fri. gastro doc

My goal is to get to all these appointments. When I can eat some it helps. The second day of my xanax taper (Jan. 23) my hunger just went away and that was only from taking a dose from every 8 hour to every 10 hours. Vomiting started the 3rd day. I don't understand any of this. I wish I never took xanax.

I am scared of when I have surgery again someday (esp. if it is anytime soon) they use benzo's to knock you out and I don't know if I am sensitized to them now forever. The last thing I need is for something simple like a colonscope to turn into months of pure torture.

Worse is sometimes I wonder if I am permanently damaged form xanax. No one would ever believe me anyway. No one really believes me now. No one in a position to help me anyway.

Out of all the people on the internet I wish some doctor would come along and read all this crap. A doctor that could help anyway. One with experience in this happening to other people.

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