Recently I feel very sad about life. I have no idea what my purpose is or where I am going to go from here with my life. Sometimes I want a do over. I feel like I made way to many mistakes in my life and there is a lot I wish I could have done differently.
I wish I was a stronger person. I wish that I was solid in some belief that would give me comfort and strength. I wish there were more real, solid, well adjusted people in my life that I could lean on. I know people can't change how I feel or take away the pain I have or will have to go through, but it would be nice to have a strong person who understood and who I could just share my burdens with.
I also wish that I was better emotionally balanced. Recently because of what has happened with my mother I have a growing fear of cancer and how I am going to cope should that happen to me and how I will cope with getting a colonscope at 40 with all my fears. Who I will feel close enough and safe with to take me to these type of appointments? Will even have a partner by then that will be there for me?
I have stopped crying all the time, but I find now I still cry, just alone in my room for short spurts of time when these thoughts come up. I could do the "stay in the present" deal because none of this is happening right this second to me, it is all future events. However I do not want to get to the future events should they happen without a plan or without being able to cope.
There is some future event coming for almost everyone and I assume many will get though it OK because maybe they do not have so much fear and worry, a strong family, a strong faith in their religion, whatever gives them their source of comfort, power or feeling of control. What happens when you don't have any of that. I am sure their is many people like me around the world, how do they cope and find strength and peace?
When I have agoraphobia and social anxiety among other problems how do I get the things and people I need?