Monday, April 6, 2009

My mom has cancer and I am sick

I am going to keep this as short as possible, but there is a lot of information of what has been going on. I will just summarize as best I can.

Jan 21st-Feb 14th I tapered off xanax. My throat issue went away once the drug was stopped. However from the time of the tapper till now I have been unable to eat very much food. I throw up a lot and have dropped 17 lbs. This is from some sort of benzo withdrawal that the doctors refuse to recognize.

March 4th I was so ill and wanted relief I decided to try going on an anti-depressant. So I took 10 mg of paxil and several hours later fainted on the floor. I called my primary doctor and made and appointment for the next day. Later that night my heart rate started to climb and was at 140 beats a min so at 4:30am I had my parents take me to the ER. They did an EKG and told me to see my primary care doctor. I never took paxil after that day.

At 11:30am March 5th I saw my primary care doctor and he refused to listen to my heart and yelled about me being off xanax and said "so what you fainted who cares!" and yelled some more and this went on and on to long for me to type out maybe someday I will. He refuses to treat me so no primary care doctor.

Since March 4th My heart rate has been between 100-150 at rest (very rate will it go to normal), I have vomited, been jolted out of my sleep with anxiety attacks, I have major panic attacks and in a depression.

March 9th my mom had a colon scope done and was told she has colon cancer. She has surgery on April 22nd to remove the cancer and then they will stage the cancer to see if she needs chemo.

March 29th my heart rate was so high I went to a different ER where they did a ton of blood work, gave me an IV, chest xray and did an EKG. The blood work that came back quick was normal and I had a few tests that take longer so they said they would call me.

April 1st. I got close to fainting 2 times and my blood pressure went from high to low. I was so sick and shaky that I emailed Keith (my xbf) to tell him goodbye in case I died. Went back to the ER that night and they just did an EKG and said to follow up with my heart tests.

This Thursday April 9th I go in to have an Echo of my heart and a 24 hour monitor placed on it.

Today the hospital ER called me to tell me one of my tests came back positive for H. pylori the bacteria that causes peptic ulcers and now I have to see a doctor to get treatment for that. Most of the pills they use to treat that I can't even take. H. pylori also can lead to stomach cancer many years down the line if not treated. I might have to have a scope done of my stomach as well. I decided to put this off till after my moms surgery. So I assume I will try to make an appointment with a new primary care doctor around May 1st.

I have no health insurance so I am applying yet again for medicaid which I am always denied for.

In 4 months I have lost my 5 year relationship, Become very ill and my mother has cancer. I cry all the time and have so much anxiety (part of which was caused by that stupid pill)

I went emotionally numb for a few mins today. I couldn't feel anything..I felt dead. This is all really too much to handle. So this is why I have not been writing and there is so much more detail to all of this, but I just wanted to do a short update.

If you happen to be having your own problems with benzo withdrawal please see the following sites for information.


adrainchong said...

now u r going well?GOD blessing u.the opposite of dark was light,ok.
from .adrain(justin tv)

adrainchong said...

dun give up OK.i support u.

Amy said...

Sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. I've followed you're blog and found your videos interesting esp. one on diet and agoraphobia as I've also found changing my diet has helped to some extent.

I've never had to go thru withdrawals as with the many psychoactive meds I've tried the side effects & lack of benefits, etc have been too bad for me to stay on them for long.

Your ex-doctor sounds astoundingly unprofessional, arrogant and uncaring.

I personally think you're doing the right thing going off xanax. As difficult as it is the longer you're on these toxic drugs the harder it is to get off.

I have been following another blog at which deals with mental health issues and the author is someone who is withdrawing from psych meds after twenty years. You might want to look, it has some info on withdrawing you might find helpful and also info on diet, etc. (click the 'about' tab at the top of blog.

Hang in there, I hope things get much better for you soon.