Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My mom just left for her surgery

My moms surgery is at 1:10pm, but she has to be there by 11:40am, so her and my father just left to go to the hospital.

I woke up at 10am this morning and called my x-bf to wish him a happy birthday. He will be 35 today. I got his voice mail and left a message saying happy birthday and let him know what time my moms surgery is.

Five minutes before my mom left, her and I cried together and hugged each other goodbye and she said when she gets a phone in her room she will call me tonight or tomorrow. She gave me my sisters cell phone number in case my father doesn't turn his on and I need to get a hold of him since my heart is still skipping all over the place.

So much has happened and now when new things get added it sounds like I am just making crap up, but my 28 year old nephew had a heart attack the other day. He has had Rheumatoid Arthritis for sometime now. He was in remission and not on any medication. He was going to see his doctor about some shoulder pain he has been having. While he was there me mentioned that his heart had been skipping a few beats, which he normally doesn't have. So his doctor just did an EKG and it was abnormal and they did blood work that showed he has had a mild heart attack. Now he is wearing a 24 hour monitor just like I had too and he just had an echo yesterday. He is seeing the same cardiologist I will be seeing.

I watched through the window as my father pulled out of the driveway with my mom to go to the hospital. I looked at her face as the car rolled away because I don't know if that is the last time I will see my mother. I am so worried about her. Then I just started crying and I still am crying as I write this blog.

So much bad has happened that I start to wonder this a dream? Am I actually in a coma dreaming all this up? It all seems like too much all at once, almost like not this much bad happens to one family all at once.

Before I went to sleep last night I laid in bed and closed my eyes and pictured Oct. 2008. I imagined I was in my bedroom at the apartment and that Keith was sleeping next to me. I vividly pictured the bedroom and how it looked and imagined the a/c unit in the window running. I tried to convince myself I was there. Then I opened my eyes a few minutes later and I was still in my bedroom at my parents house. I don't know I guess in a weird way I thought maybe it was all a bad dream and if I could just wake up I would be so relieved.

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