Friday, April 24, 2009

Beta Blocker and Hateful Comments

My mom walked around a bit today. One of the doctors want to put her on a beta blocker to control her heart rate. He told her that people her age are more likely to have a heart attack after surgery, which scared her. She said her heart rate is 88-107 which for her is what it tends to be anyway.

She asked me about what I thought of beta blockers and I really offered no opinion because I do not want to be responsible for that choice. They only want to keep her on it while she is in the hospital which is 2 more days I think. I guess they asked her yesterday and she has put it off for now.

I don't know what she will decide to do. I know she is on morphine and if her heart rate is 100 when morphine slows the rate that could be why they have concerns. I know that beta blocks can cause fainting, abnormal heart rhythm and heart attacks in some people. She said she is scared if she takes it and if it makes her sick when she is doing better she does not want to be set back in her recovery.

That is why I did not say anything except for her to express her concerns to the doctor and see what he says. That is just not something I felt comfortable giving an opinion on (though I have many) I just want her to make the choice not me.

My cat Timo is laying next to me on the bed sleeping. He is spending a lot of time with me again. The first few days at my parents house he was not happy and ignored me completely. Now that he is use to the other cats and the house he seems much more calm.

I just took some Tylenol because my body aches and I feel blah. I did not end up sleeping that well last night.

I have really cut back a lot on smoking. Having to smoke outside has made that easier for me to cut back. I am hoping soon just to stop esp. since I have no idea what is going on with my heart.

I still have a lot of concerns about seeing the heart doctor. I just don't want to be scared by him or any other doctor. They don't realize when they push for a test I may not even need and it is followed with something like "Well if we don't run the test we won't know if you have a blockage and you could die." it will haunt me and play over and over in my head. I will fear the test and the unknown. I will walk around believing my heart is blocked and I will never let it go. It is bad enough I have some bacteria in my stomach that has now been linked to cancer and maybe heart disease.

On a different note since I can use my laptop again because of the wireless I was spending time on YouTube last night watching videos about Quantum Healing and Orthomolecular Medicine trying to find any comfort I could that I could heal myself or still have some form of control. I just don't "feel" it anymore when I watch alternative medicine videos. Questions pop into my head like "If this works then way can't people regrow teeth or a missing limb." Then I wonder if maybe some have.

Anyway while on YouTube I noticed on videos all the hateful comments being left (I noticed before, just more so now.) Feeling detached from things gives you a new perspective I guess because I wondered why. Why are humans so hateful and the things people bitch about so pointless. Comments like "Why is her hair like that she looks like a horse.", "What a fat know it all.", and "I hope they die." Do people even know what they are saying anymore?

Why do we care what someone looks like or how their hair is? What business is it of ours? I have seen so many people say that some one is ugly and the very person saying it could be burned in a house fire or car crash. (Which I brought up before in a past post I think.)

We judge people by how they act. "He acts gay.", "He sounds gay.", "Real men don't cry.".

We act as if if someone is suffering that it is their fault. If someone says so and so has lung cancer the first question is usually "Did they smoke?" as if some how they deserved the punishment. Yet we sing praise to the 100 year old woman who smokes a pack of Camels a day and drinks a few shots of whiskey.."Bless her heart."

When an 18 year old couple has a baby it is said by people and the media..."Babies having babies." "They are not old enough yet to understand the full consequence of their actions..after all we now know the human brain is not fully mature till age 25."

When an 18 year old person goes off to war they are no longer babies having babies, but "our men and women fighting for our rights." Which is it? Oh and "Hey you can go off to war and protect us, but you can't buy beer because you are not 21 yet."

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