Monday, June 8, 2009

Stage 4 Cancer

I didn't smoke for 30 hours and I was so proud of myself. That is the longest I had gone in a long time.

I went to the therapist today and then after I stopped over at my apartment because I had to get my birth certificate. I needed that because I have applied for medicaid and when my father goes down for me Wed. they need that along with all my forms.

Soon after I got to my apartment I discovered I had been robbed. My small safe with my passport and over $900 dollars of gold and silver was gone and a few other small items.

There was no sign of breaking and entering so I assume one of the maintenance men took it. There is this really creepy one that works there and is drunk all the I assume it was him, but I have no proof.

A few hours after I got back home my mother got her call about her PET scan and the cancer has spread to her liver so now she is a Stage 4. That means she has an 8% chance of still being alive in 5 years. When she starts chemo this Friday they have to add stronger drugs and soon she will have to have surgery yet again...this time to remove part of her liver.

Needless to say I smoked after all that and then felt disappointed in myself and lightheaded from not smoking for 30 hours. I am going to keep working at the smoking.

Thia sucks so bad..I am sick, my mom is sick and I am not ready for her to die....not this way. I went to bed only to wake up 2 hours later feeling sick and have a splitting headache right now. It is me being sick like normal mixed with an ton of stress that I can't seem to control. I am getting no breaks between bad events happening in my life. I am very very scared and lost.

I do not know at all how I am going to handle all this. People always say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I think he is overestimating my abilities.

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