I find it completely amazing that you can be damaged by a medication and no one will believe you. It baffles me that you can find 1000's of other people that have had the same reaction as you, information on what is happening to you that is published in medical journals as far back as 20 years ago, mentioning of the problem in several places on the National Institute of Healths website and you still cannot get anyone to listen or help.
I have printed this stuff out for doctors, both family doctors and ER doctors. I informed my Cardiologist of what happened as well. It doesn't matter because they do not read, they do not understand or worse don't want to understand. I am met with the same blank stare, the same words repeated over and over as if they have all been preprogrammed..."It is just anxiety."
When they say that crap to me I swear I want to beat their fucking face in at this point. You know what is worse? Friends and family not believing you...oh yeah that makes for a hell of a good time. It is always fun to be told that they think it is in your head or "well there is no proof" and "a lawyer would never believe you".
You know a old long term friend of mine actually told me that I am selfish...you know who you are if you are reading this and to that I say go fuck yourself and that is why you will never be in my life again. Sorry I am so fucking selfish that I was there for your miserable ass since 1998 and now that I am actually sick I am selfish?? Yeah OK sit and spin buddy.
I have kept mental notes through this whole ordeal. I am never going to forget how I was treated by the medical community, friends and family. I will tell you one thing if I ever get better or half of my energy comes back I am going to make it my mission in life to put what happen to me all over the internet. I am naming names and addresses of all these hospitals, doctors and clinics and exactly how I was treated.
Do you know there are people who actually read this blog, and I mean read the whole thing and then say "Maybe you could take some Xanax to help with your anxiety, I have taken it and it helped me." Seriously are you on fucking crack? What the hell is wrong with you people? You cannot read and understand? Has the world become this slow at this point? How the hell do you read about how sick I am... almost every post since Feb 2009 talking about it and then actually ask me if I might want to consider Xanax???
Then there are the people who know about the blog and never read it..and whine about it. Seriously people if you don't want to read a blog then don't, but shut the fuck up about the fact that I have one. Do you think I want to explain over and over to each person what happened to me and re-answer every question over and over? That is why I have the blog so I don't have to tell it over and over. Do you have any idea what it has been like to have to tell this story over and over to doctors each and every freaking time I see their dumb asses?? I am sick of telling the goddamn story.
As soon as my fucking body goes back to the way it was before I ever took that fucked up pill.. I will stop talking about it....till then if you don't want to read about it or think I am too negative and the blog "depresses people" ...let me give you some great advice.. don't read it, but also don't ask me questions about it, because I do not want to explain it twice.