My Dirty Apartment

I have no idea what is wrong with me when it comes to cleaning. My apartment is never clean. Keith and I both complain that it is dirty and then start to clean it only to have it go right back to the way it was. We use plastic forks and spoons and paper plates because we threw out our dishes once they became dirty and we did not clean them for weeks. The only real dishes we have are coffee mugs and they sit in the sink and have been there for about 3 weeks now. I don't drink coffee but when he runs out of mugs he switches to the plastic cups. Till one day in the distant future the mugs get cleaned.

We seem to produce a large amount of trash. Three 40 gallon trash bags a week. I think I have vacuumed this apartment once since we moved in here and we have lived here over two years. I would vacuum more but there are paper plates and clothes on the floor and his mail in a pile. Forget about us mopping the floors that has happened only a few times and the inside of our toilet bowl is stained yellow no matter how much bleach we pour in.

We have this George Foreman grill and the little plastic tray that collects the grease is filled and is solid. It has been that way for several months now. Dust just piles up and we have a cat so fur balls are in the corner of the apartment. Everything is disorganized. I think my apartment actually reflects my state of mind...chaos.

Now don't get me wrong this apartment does not look like the people you see on talk shows filled to the ceiling with trash but it is dirty. Dirty enough that I would not have people nor my parents come over here. This apartment is larger than our last one. Our last apartment in Florida was a one bedroom and while it was not the cleanest it was nothing compared to this. It was also a lot smaller and easier to clean. I feel over whelmed by the size of this place sometimes and the lack of kitchen space.

We have a few spiders that live in the bathroom that I don't kill. They don't bother me and just chill in the corner of the ceiling. Someone told me a long time ago, I think it was my mother, that spiders are good luck and it is bad luck to kill them plus if an insect comes in your house they will eat it.

My days are really messed up. I wake up and I walk to the living room and sit with Keith till he gets ready for work then he leaves. I then go to the computer room (second bedroom) and stay online all day long till Keith gets home. Then I watch TV with him and go to bed. I then repeat this every day, dreaming of the day I change or things change. Oh and I read books when I get bored of the internet or on weekends when Keith is off.

I remember in my early twenties when I use to be able to pull it together and pretend nothing was wrong. Now I don't even try. Chaos on the inside and chaos on the outside. Sometimes I wish I could be an infant again and someone could come along and pick me up out of this mess I have created and start over. Some where along the line I got off track. I really don't know how to get back on track or even know for that matter if I even want to be on the same track that 90% of the world is on.