Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Email From YouTube 4

This is an email from youtube:

"Hi, my name is (removed), I am 37 and live in England.

Just watched your vids, you describe agoraphobia very well. I have been with this 'thing' for 6 years now, although I did have it about 15 years ago too, and it lasted about two years.

I think diet contributes to this thing, my doctor is rubbish, will not really listen, and told me its all in my head and that I can control it.
What a load of tosh! I don't really enjoy feeling like this , and I hate the four walls that have become a prison. I do go out sometimes, and its almost always horrendous, I was once given Diazepam 2mg, they did help, but when I went back to get more they would not give it to me as its addictive.

I have just given up alcohol as I felt although I didn't drink in the day I would almost self medicate in the evening. Just to be able to relax is great!
but it doesn't help the anxiety. anyway I droning on now,
it would be great to hear from you.


My Reply,

I know that feeling of being in a prison. Some days are better than others for me. I have a few days where I am O.K. enough to go to the supermarket and buy my own food then an other day I am sending my bf or parents for me.

Doctors I have seen do not get the full scope of how bad it is. I think it is because I look normal to them. I am not throwing up from anxiety in their office and they take my blood pressure and note that my heart rate is high and to relax. I hate that word "relax". That is what I am trying to do. If I wasn't trying to relax it would be so much worse.

Most of my day is spent trying to "control" my thoughts and looking at things differently. I push myself all the time as much as I can and grow tried of when people say "you have to push yourself". They really have no idea what they are talking about. I push myself more than they do :-)

I had Valium before as well 5mg. I think that is what sent me into a depression when I was living in FL. so I am sort of scared off that pill for now. I do have Xanax but get some strange side effects from it they can't explain. More importantly they can't tell me if the side effects I am having are dangerous or not. But I do keep them just in case because they did help. Even though I was on a low does coming off was not easy (even with tapering off). I ended up with more anxiety for a few weeks after I stopped and racing thoughts...more obsessive thinking which I do not have a problem with normally....at least at that level.

I see therapists sometimes as well. I think the problem is they really don't get it. They read about it but reading is far different from experiencing it. Also you are with them for an hour then you see them the following week. They do not see your life. I reminded a therapist once that when I leave and they are going about their life I still have agoraphobia.

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