Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Doctors Appointment Today

I have a doctors appointment today. I wish I could just go in with a list of everything that is wrong with me, but I know from experience I will just be ignored. It is bad enough I might be ignored anyway.

My feet have been ice cold on and off; even in socks and sneakers. A few times they have been so cold they have hurt and I have had to turn a heating pad on and put my feet on it for a half hour or so.

Sometimes they are so cold it travels all the way up to my calve muscles, so from my feet to my calves are cold to the touch. Then other times my feet will feel like they are ice cold. I will be sitting at the computer and it feels like they are on a block of ice, only I will touch them and they are completely warm. I have no idea.

It has been going on since July. To be honest it started when I took Prevacid, but there is no way I am going to tell the doctor that because he nor any other doctor believes what happened with the Xanax withdrawal, so if I go in there claiming yet another issues maybe caused by a medication I will be completely blown off. I was on Prevacid a total of a month and I the feet thing started a few days into me taking it. Who knows though, maybe this is all still some form of damaged caused by Xanax. I don't even know anymore.

I am still getting breathless, heart pounds heavy and hard when I stand up (thankfully no longer fast 99% if the time), still having bowel issues and I walk around feeling like my stomach and intestines are scorched. I still wake up from not breathing in my sleep from time to time, that is when I can stay asleep at all. As of late I am lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep.

Anyway today I will just tell him about my feet and purple hands. Try to get a referral to a sleep clinic and to a pulmonologist. Next time around I will try to get sent to a gastro doctor. You know this would all be a lot easier for me if I didn't have such bad anxiety about doctors, blood, needles and medical tests.

My mom has been off chemo for two months now. Her doctors took her off because she became too sick and too thin, they need to get her stronger so she can have liver surgery to remove the cancer. Even off she still is running to the bathroom with cramps and diarrhea for about 3 hours a day if not more. She now weighs 98 lbs. and can hardly eat. After the liver surgery (which I assume will happen around Jan.) she will have to start chemo again. I am literally watching the medical community kill my mother, it is just a matter of if they will kill the cancer before her. I don't know what I would do if I had cancer because I don't even know if I would treat it after watching what really happens. I am sure many reading that statement may not understand.

Today she is going in to have a CT scan to see if the cancer grew or spread since she has been off the chemo for two months. I am not sure when she will get the results from that, usually after a CT scan they do a PET scan just to make sure. I don't know why they even bother doing a CT scan if every time they do one a week later they decide it is best to check with a PET scan.

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