Monday, November 16, 2009

I am Destroyed and you are dumb

There is so much I want to say right now, only the truth is I don't feel like writing it out. I don't think anyone understands that my life was destroyed by a benzodiazepine (Xanax in my case, but 10's of thousands of other lives, if not more destroyed by others such as Valium, Ativan or Klonopin).

My reality is people are too stupid to understand...I mean literally too stupid. Do you have any idea what it is like to have been destroyed on so many levels and have family, friends and doctors just not get it and even not completely believe you, if at all?

I am so sick of trying to warn people and get that response "You shouldn't scare people cause just one bad reaction..blah blah blah". I am so enraged by those type of people. I am not the only fucking person this happened to you ignorant cunt. Why can't people read shit on their own? Why can't they use google and find all the lives devastated by these drugs?

You know what else I am sick of? People who watch my story then email me saying.. "My doctor is going to start me on Klonopin and we are going to see how we do?" Are you fucking kidding me? There is no "we", there is you and those pills. You watch your jackass of a doctor turn on your bitch ass when you can't function. How fast you will be told it is your disease. It's all bullshit.

I also for the life of me at this point am not replying to dumb emails where someone reads this blog and asks if I have tried lexapro or any other med. Do you seriously not get it? Why the hell would I do that. Oh and to the freaked out people who say "Well are you saying people shouldn't be on those drugs for anxiety (referring to benzos) hell yes I am saying that. You have no business being on them for anxiety at all period, no ifs ands or buts and any doctor who prescribes them for such should lose their license. Why don't some of you grow some balls and write to the FDA and start stepping up. You let these doctors walk on your bones... "Yes doctor" "Doctor knows best" turns my stomach.

You know what else I am sick of hearing. "I have been on my pills for 10 years and I am fine!!" Well woop dee fuckin doo...that is like someone all self righteous saying "Well, I have been smoking cigarettes for 10 years and I don't have lung cancer."

I am seriously tired of being nice. I have been nice my whole life and look there that got me. Oh and spare me the "Law of Attraction" bullshit. I am well read on the New Age, as well as David Icke and the New World Order stuff. I am not ignorant to any of that stuff, but the idea that people believe that the bad stuff that happens to people is caused by their thoughts are just as bad as the Jesus freaks who have no compassion for people. I am not atheist people (though sometimes I see why people are), but for God sakes telling me to listen to people who are "channeling" some bullshit is just that..bullshit. I believe in a lot more things than most realize. I am most likely more open minded than 99% of the people reading this, but I don't need educational emails on basic positive thinking philosophy, I am way past that point. I don't want to be positive anymore, living in la la land gets you no place, action and information does. I want people to stop being poisoned...and don't think for one second if you are popping those pills you aren't slowly being poisoned.

The honest to God truth is, unless someone is a danger to themselves or others there is no reason to be on an antidepressant and definitely no reason to be on a benzo. "Oh, but Brian my anxiety is too much to deal with without it" So is mine, tough shit, do you think I am having a blast right now as I deal with that and my fucked up body? I rather only have the anxiety than what those pill can and will create for you given enough time. You can all get mad about that and email me about why you just have to be doped up, but seriously shove it. We now live in a world that rather pop a pill to lower their cholesterol than to eat right and is disgusting.

My father has high cholesterol. I made a diet for him, although strict, allowed for one bad breakfast, lunch and dinner once a week. In 3 months I got his cholesterol in normal range. The HDH and LDL were great. Then the beer came back in here and there, the ice cream, cookies. Now my father was never a heavy guy, has always been thin, but him like most other people in this world can't follow fucking instructions and there my mother sits with colon cancer talking about how he "Has to have treats and enjoy himself" as she keeps eating red meat several times a week. I don't get it. His cholesterol is back up and my mother claims "He doesn't eat anything bad." Bullshit WTF???

I could kick my own ass for ever being a smoker. I am so glad I quit that. I also am pissed I was ever a heavy drinking and thankfully I have been alcohol free for 2 years and cigarette free for 2 months. Too bad its not enough. I am suffering and not a damn person gets it, at least anyone that I need to get it.

Below is a story of a woman I think is amazing for what she went through.

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