Sunday, November 29, 2009


Sometimes I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown, maybe I am having one, who knows. I am tired of having to deal with and worry about everything. I am having major digestive issues among other issues that I have mentioned in the past.

I have to take metamucil or I can't go to the bathroom, that started after I quit smoking, I became so constipated since I quit, before I quit I was having cramps and diarrhea. The lower left side of my colon at times is sore. When I had cramps in the past (which thankfully I haven't had recently) they can be so intense I almost pass out.

I get so bloated over the past few months I think that is what is making me breathless. My stomach can be flat when I wake up and by bedtime I look 9 months pregnant. When I sit up on the couch to get up to go to the kitchen I have to wait 10 seconds or more, I can't just stand up, the pressure causes my heart to race, I hope its the bloating causing that.

The slightest movements sometimes causes my heart to race. (Thankfully nothing like it was during the worst part of benzo withdrawal). No matter what I eat, I bloat and also my throat burns and sometimes when I try to burp I can feel food coming back up my throat. This all matches Acid reflux, GERD, IBS, Ulcertive colitis (which my past idiot doctor, back in 1994 thinks I might have had, only he isn't sure and never sent me to a gastro, some where on this blog is that story about the "maybe" Ulcertive colitis.), it also matches things like stomach cancer, so that is not cool esp. since that runs in my family.

So now people would say "You need a colonoscopy and an endoscopy." Only I have to be sedated for that and I can not be (and by have to be sedated I mean I am not the type that can do that not sedated). If you are not familiar with the type on benzo withdrawal I went through watch my video and also read up on sites like (Well I can be sedated, just not with a benzo.)

They usually use a drug called "Versed" only that is a benzo. So, I am left with a drug called "Propofol", you may have heard of that drug because it was one of the drugs that helped kill Michael Jackson... granted it was very abused in his case. However I have concerns because if I was to use that drug there is a larger risk than Versed of having a bad outcome and there is no guarantee that that drug won't scramble me anyway, since it also works on the neurotransmitter GABA.

I am in a situation where I can tell a doctor all these concerns till I am blue in the face only they don't care, because, up till now, I have not found one who believes me. So they just try to poo poo my concerns because they honestly believe I have no idea what I am talking about and its all "just stress". I have major stress alright, but its stress and anxiety being generated by not being heard, believed and worked with. It is stress and anxiety from knowing something is wrong and no one believing me.

The level of stress I am under can be summed up by the fact that this morning my first thought as soon as my eyes opened was "Crap, I hope Propofol isn't cross reactive with Demerol." This was a concern because I can not take Demerol. I had a bad reaction to it in 2000 right before my lung surgery. However from what I have read today I gather that Demerol and Propofol are not in the same family.

I would now like to take sometime to give you some peoples experiences on "Versed" and "Propofol" I will do "Versed" first:

1) Disorientation, anxiety, PANIC. Totally bad reaction, totally unnecessary. They asked me if I was nervous or tense and I said no. This procedure was actually minor compared to a couple I had in the past. Five minutes later the guy just up and puts the stuff in the IV while using the "something to relax you" line. WHY ??? After what seemed like five minutes of ever increasing anxiety, I found myself in recovery and very shaken. Bad drug and BAD PEOPLE who push it.

2) It's been 5 years and i still suffer from anxiety attacks from this poison. This drug should be banned by the FDA it's dangerous!!!!

3) It just flat DID NOT WORK. I kept telling them that if this was semi sedation..I wanted something else. It has been maintained I won't remember it tomorrow. But the tears that streamed down my face while they did the work.. I won't forget. I have taken it to calm me down before a D and C because of a miscarriage. They gave it to me and even into the second dose, it didn't help. I thought maybe it was just ME but it appears it doesn't work for a LOT Of people.

4) Dizziness, nausea, sweating, very low blood pressure. I was given this medication not to be put to sleep but to be awake and drugged during surgery. I felt horrendous pain when the doctor was doing the procedure. When I came out of it, I was dizzy, sweating profusely and nauseous. My blood pressure was 60/20. I tried to throw up, but nothing came out. At that point I started to pray, I had the feeling that I was going to die. I was in recovery for 4 hours, while everyone else was leaving after 20 minutes. I will never ever take this drug again. At 2:00 a.m. I woke up and my arms and legs were numb, I thought I was having a stroke. Patients, BEWARE!!!

5) I had asked the Gastro. Dr. to not give me the amnesia causing drug - just the pain killer (fentanyl) He referred me to the Center where the procedure would be done. I also discussed my wishes with the Nurse who would be administering the meds. the day before I went in when she called to fill out paperwork and "answer any questions". The day of I reiterated my wishes. I signed no consent for anything other than the colonoscopy. The response from every one of these "professionals" when I requested to be awake and aware was "no you don't". Then they would continue on - I felt like the 2 yr. old victim of lousy parents my wishes and request were dismissed out of hand. Now I am having nightmares, anxiety, anger, insomnia and flashbacks. Before this I never had any problem sleeping, never anxiety problems either. I'm also not able to let it go and get on with life. I have no doubt that I would have had no problem with just the fentanyl as I have given

6) Versed totally ERASED a co-worker's daughter's memory. Surgery was in Apr 09 at the Mayo Clinic. She still does not have her memory back (Sep 09) and might not ever. The FDA should be removing this drug from its arsenal immediately!!

7) I was awake but totally paralyzed. I felt every move, every turn, I tried fruitlessly to scream out for help and demand some pain meds. It was the worst experience of my entire life. Like being in an Iron Maiden...Whoever approved this drug for use on people should be shot!! A great way to torture someone and have them unable to do or say anything about it. They say that this takes away bad memories of any pain...why not give the patient pain meds and skip the Versed. DO NOT LET ANYONE GIVE YOU THIS CRAP....You'll regret it for the rest of your life!!

8) PTSD symptoms, lasting for months post-procedure, never experienced before in my life.

9) More anxiety than I ever felt before, mad as hell, fighting, swearing, telling all my secrets. My girlfriend says they wouldn't let her in, but she could hear me fighting and yelling and things crashing all the way down the hall. They never told me this would happen or said anything about amnesia or truth serum. I am a man who doesn't need some drug like this. It was only going to relax my muscles. This is a serious freak out drug.

10) Agitation, flashbacks, panic, uneasiness, sense of dread.

11) I recall gagging some during the procedure. It was unpleasant. For weeks afterward, I had strange panic attacks. These were preceded by a strange feeling of trying to recall something (like a person's name) but the memory never focused.

12) Severe agitation, couldn't move or speak and I was in pain, severe memory loss that persists today, 2 months later.

13) Something is seriously wrong with this drug. DON'T GET VERSED. they told me it was to relax you, they lied. It's to make you forget. My gastro admitted that they don't tell patients the truth about this drug.

14) My side effects were livid furious anger, paranoia (what happened to make me so angry?) and insomnia. Despite 9 units of Versed (and 100 of Fentenayl) I was fully awake and my memory was again functional within 25 minutes of the initial dose. In other words my brain fought off this drug quite well. The problem was that it knew something happened to it and has been trying to recreate those "just under the surface" memories now for three months. In fact my brain has uncovered much of what happened during the procedure. I am sitting here again at midnight in one of a continuous number of sleepless nights caused by my now hyperactive brain. My wife finally talked me into going in to see someone and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I now am taking anti-depressants to prepare my brain to better accept therapy. How could this happen to someone with NO prior mental health issues in 50 years of life??? From a very simple medical procedure.

15) Several years ago I was given Versed for a colonoscopy with terrible effects. I couldn't talk or scream but felt every centimeter of the probing. My doctor said that next time he would give me more. Obviously there was something wrong with this. I went to Barnes and Noble and took out four drug books, and found in one there were four pages of side effects including paralyzing of the throat, tongue, mouth and more. My doctor had never "heard" of this. I make sure in any surgery that I do not have Versed.

Here is more information on "Versed".

OK and now for the "Propofol" experiences:

1) Catastrophic loss of memory, dizziness, inability to function at normal cognitive level. I woke up from anesthetic and was euphoric. My problems started as the anesthesia wore off. I became dizzy and disorientated and unable to think logically or remember correctly. After 2 days I rang the doctor, and could remember my name but not my date of birth. I lost all higher cognitive function. I stopped going out. I couldn't any way as I had no mind maps I could follow. I could see my front door and "see" the place I wanted to go but couldn't visualize a route from memory. I could not compute; if I picked up two packs of meat in a shop I could not work out which was better value. A 2 year nightmare, and then a 2 year recuperation.

2) It is more than two months and my memory and abilities to concentrate, read, think, formulate thoughts - are crippled. Worse than a brain injury, because I know precisely what happened. My thoughts are less cohesive and sincerely believe this is not a product that should be used. Much less administered during a 'minor' surgery. I was told by the surgeon that he had to wake me a few times - but now that I have read some of the others comments here - perhaps, he was rousing me from the 'dead'... I have no recollection of being waken during the surgery. I will not take this again, nor will I recommend it to anyone. It does affect the brain's abilities. BEWARE! I had 'joked' with another doctor only earlier in the week, "Just don't give me what they gave Michael Jackson!" And lo and behold, that is exactly what they did! I had only received it one day for surgery.

3) EXTREME pain (not just a sting) when it went in. I screamed and fussed at them and told them they could have warned me and the pain in my arm was absolutely the worst I've EVER felt-no exaggerating. Then while I was talking to them I stopped breathing while still awake...the nurses were telling me to 'just breathe' and I was waving my arms around and pointing at my mouth and throat to let them know I couldn't...I was WIDE AWAKE and suffocating and they weren't even looking at the monitors.They should warn people of things that could possibly happen as a result of this drug. The surgical center dismissed my complaints and said they 'were sorry I had the perception' that something went wrong. Maybe nobody told them what could happen. When I woke up my surgeon told me,"Well, you're alive."

4) Just a "little to relax you"....what a bunch of BS....6 months later and i remember the agony but have lost long term memory.

5) Severe nervousness, tremor, difficulty breathing. feeling of a chemical straight jacket.....frozen unable to move while suffering and unable to move as they laughed and said: "she won't remember"...I did and it was awful.

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