Thursday, May 20, 2010

I feel like shit

I hate days like this. I am so fucking sick. I don't even know how to handle it anymore. I have had trouble sleeping for days. I was sitting on the couch, just on my laptop and felt so tired that I was going to attempt to try to head to bed again. I got up off the couch to go pee and by the time I got to the bathroom I was white as a ghost and felt tingly and dizzy. I had to sit on the toilet to go pee because I was concerned I might faint.

I then went to the bedroom and laid in bed trying to sleep as I could feel every rapid heart beat in my chest. I finally dozed off for a minute or two and then woke up from a feeling like I was fainting in my sleep. I then tried to fall back to sleep just laying there feeling flu like and poisoned through my whole body with my ears ringing.

I decided to get back up to get a glass of milk. I went back to the couch and ended up spilling all 16oz of milk all over my carpet. Went back to the kitchen and got paper towels and cleaned it up best I could.

Now I am back on the couch feeling cold and sick. I just want to cry. I have no help in this at all. I am often to weak to even get to a doctors office even if I wanted too, and after the way I have been treated over the past year I am too nervous to go back and fight for myself. That is one thing I don't have the energy for and that is to be nervous and upset. I am too sick to be upset. Being upset takes a lot of energy, energy I don't have.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aw, jeez Bri.
I feel awful and wish i could help you.
But alas- on the other side of the country. Not so easy to do, unfortunately.
Hope you feel well soon. And here i thought i was having a tough week of it. Was going to mail and check on you.
For what it's worth- as always (((monkey hugz))) to you.
Sending you positive vibes and such.