Another appointment

The therapist called back today and I see her on May 5th at 1:30pm. Tomorrow is the heart doctor and next friday is the gastro doctor. I feel like I have endless places to go and endless paper work to fill out for social services and doctors. Truth is I am so tired I just want to stay in bed. Sometimes I am so ill I don't want to live and I don't want to die..I just want to crawl in a ball on the floor and give up.

When I woke up today I felt so weak. I still have not been able to eat much today and I did not end up eating that much yesterday either. Soon after I woke up my whole body ached and I took tylenol which only helped some. I sat at the kitchen table where my cat was sitting and just cried till some of it passed and the tylenol took effect.

I hope I feel better tomorrow because I have to be at the heart docs by 1:50pm and I am not usually doing that well around that time.

I sometimes want to be put into a coma till they figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

I cut my own hair and I have not had the energy to do it in such a long time that I look a mess. My mom keeps saying "Why don't you cut your hair so you look better for the doctor." I don't want to look better for the doctor. I do not care what he thinks of my hair. I am freaking sick as hell and that is the last thing on my mind is my hair. I am so weak that I can't do much of anything. Just picking up a few clothes to put in the washing machine so I have something clean to wear tomorrow gave me head pressure and made my heart rate spike causing jelly legs.

My breathing has been off for a little while now and not sure if I am going to end up seeing a pulmonologist next. I would just go back to the same place that did my lung surgery.

Let's just hope the heart doctor has good news or some insight without having to put me through more tests esp. if it one I can't do because of my phobias.