The First and Last Time I Address Hate Mail

This is going to be the first and last time I address hate mail or comments. On youtube I have my comments set to be approved for a reason. My videos are directed towards people that are suffering with panic attacks and agoraphobia. Many times comments will come in that "agoraphobia is fake" or "take meds".

I do not feel that those sort of comments should get through because after all the video are not for them and not very useful to the people watching my videos or reading my blog.

I recently got a comment that I would like to address. I tried to email the person back on youtube, but they have their account set to only receive email from people added to their friends list.

I have since removed the persons first comment because I have a strict policy of keeping any comments or emails I address here on the blog anonymous.

So here is the first comment:

"Hmm...I'm not sure how to respond. Most of "us" can barely make it to the mailbox, yet you're willing, and able to sacrifice yourself for the "cause" by going on Oprah?? How very noble of you."

Which I felt might be a little shady, but gave the person the benefit of the doubt and approved their message to which I replied.

"Well many times in my life I was unable to even go to the mailbox. I was never confined to a room in my home like some, but the longest I have been inside without leaving at all was a year. I still have major problems with many things when it comes to panic attacks and agoraphobia. Thankfully, right now I have 50% of it under control. I still suffer from it and with all the ups and downs I have had I am well aware that tomorrow may not be as easy as today."

The person replied to my comment which I did not approve by saying:

"After watching your vids & reading your blog, I truly believe there are other "issues" at play. Change your pdoc to one that will assist you in getting the benefits you're eligible for. And stop seeking your 15 min of fame as a "spokesperson" for something you have under control. Sorry, but we need a real one."

This is when I tried to email the person, but after clicking send youtube said the person did not accept emails from non friends.

My email to that person:

"Ok first off I am not seeking 15 mins of fame. The last thing I want is to have that. I am tired of how I have been treated since I developed panic attacks 17 years ago. If you don't feel that I am the right spokesperson why don't you be one as well. It would be a lot easier if many people with this issue spoke up in different ways they see fit at whatever level of agoraphobia or panic attacks they are in.

I do not completely have any of it under control. Most of the time I do not leave the house and half the time I have others do my shopping. It is just that the other half of the time I do go to the store, but many times I would have starved if no one went because I was not able to go outside my front door.

Besides panic attacks, anxiety in general, agoraphobia and my 3 phobias of blood, needles and dentists....what do you think my other "issues" are? If you tell me and it makes sense I will look into them.

I do not want to completely blow you off and I really think you have taken what I said the wrong way. I really would like to make other peoples lives easier. I would never want anyone to go through what I have been through with people, friends, family and doctors.

But like I said feel free as well to be your own spokesperson."


O.K. I wanted to address this because people with mental problems have had their own experience with different mental issues. I completely understand people are at different levels and different places in their life with their illness.

Here is the thing people. If you don't like how you are being treated and you see a major problem in society over any issue it is your responsibility to stand up for yourself and for others. You have to follow your own truth.

I do not expect everyone to like me that is a given. Everyone has their own opinion on subjects. If any of you do not agree with me or find that I am not helpful to you that is O.K. you are free to watch and read my blog and you are free to think I am a nutjob and ignore me.

What I would like to see however is if you don't like the idea of me becoming a spokesperson then become one yourself. If you don't like what I do, say or my past that is fine, but what are you doing to better your life and other peoples lives? If you sit in judgment of me and anyone else that is fine just as long as you are making your life and other peoples lives around you better. If you aren't and just sitting there blindly in judgment then all you are doing is spreading hate and not worth anyone's time.

As for changing Psych Doctors. I have had over 9. None of them (nor the general practitioner doctors) seem to think I need any form of assistance. Without health insurance you are limited on how much you can shop around. Also for those who don't know this, when you apply for disability they send you to their own doctor. A person who does not have any clue who you are. They ask you questions for about 10 minutes and then send their assessment off to the board. That doctors recommendation as well as your passed medical records are reviewed and the board about a year later makes it's decision.

For me the board found that I could get a "simple task job." They did not get that at that point I left my house once a week for a little over an hour to see my therapist. How they expected a home bound person to work outside the home is beyond me. Let alone how long would the employer keep a person who rarely could show up or stay?

I maybe able to leave my house more than some of you right now, but I have not been able to hold down a job at any point in my life due to anxiety.

I have had a unique perspective in my life. I have been blessed and cursed to see the darker side of life in general. Thankfully some of you never will know that world. Others I am sure have dealt with much worse and for that you have my sympathy and utmost respect.

For people trying to catch up on the blog and want to know more about me please refer to the blog link below.




http://brianunderwood.blogspot.com/2008/07/100-day-confessional.html