Facebook

Today my heart is acting up again. It is 111 beats a minute at rest and about 138 beats standing. I walked on the treadmill today for the first time since April 1st when I almost fainted after using it. I only walked for 5 mins at 2mph and my heart rate went to 150 and I felt a little breathless. My goal is to increase it by 1 minute a day if I can.

The cardiologist said I can walk on the treadmill and that my heart is fine so whatever I will.

I have not been able to eat much for the past 2 days, but I am trying.

I made the mistake of going on facebook the other day to look up people I went to school with and old friends. I felt depressed after. They all had lives and seem happy and here I sit sick. Not only that, but my anxiety problems to begin with have kept me from having a real life for a long time. My whole life is just passing me by and I find that depressing.

I tried to find the people that picked on me for years in school, but oddly they don't have a facebook. I wanted to see if their life turned out good. I secretly hoped it hadn't, but then I don't want bad karma so I wish them the best.

My mom goes to see the oncologist Friday, so she will find out soon when she will be starting her chemo.

I called social services yet again today since they never return my calls and actually got a hold of someone there and setup a phone interview for June 10th at 11am. I also called my therapist who I was suppose to see this Saturday, but she said that the person she was waiting on to call back did and took the slot. So now I don't see her till Wed. of next week. I also called my old primary care doctor to see if I could get my medical records transfered to the new doctor and they said it will cost me 75 cents a sheet. When I asked how many sheets I had she huffed and said she would transfer me to medical records. I left a message, they have not called back yet. The woman that huffed is a real bitch. She is always so rude when you go to that office to check in.